


Happy Birthday

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Birthday Presents, Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Happy 4/13! (Homestuck), John's Birthday, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:29:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: It's John's birthday, and for once Jade isn't letting him celebrate it alone at home.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, hinted John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Happy Birthday

It’s early morning when John wakes, earlier than when he’s woken up in a long time, pulled from sleep by the harsh ringtone of his phone ringing through his bedroom. Instantly he regrets not putting it on silence before going to sleep; he should have expected this. Usually he would ignore it, turn the phone off and go back to sleep, but eating away at the back of his mind is a reminder of what today is, and he knows that if he ignores this call it’ll only get him into more trouble with Jade (because he knows without even looking that it’s Jade ringing him). So he sits up slowly and reaches around to dig his phone out from underneath his pillow where he left it the night before. A picture flashes up on the screen, a selfie of him and Jade, taken and set as her contact photo by Jade herself, her grinning at the camera with her arm around a very reluctant looking John. He stares at it for a second with a heavy feeling in his chest, before sliding the screen across to answer it.

“Happy birthday John!” Jade trills excitedly the second he answers it, her enthusiasm clear even through the crackling phone. She has too much energy for this early in the morning, and John has to hold the phone away from his ear for a second and give his ears time to adjust to the noise.

“Hey, Jade,” he says after a few moments, surprising himself by how gruffly his voice comes out.

“You sound sleepy,” she says suspiciously, “You better be getting up and ready.”

“Ready for what?” John asks. He hopes she hasn’t got anything planned; he told her he didn’t want to do anything for his birthday, he never does.

“Your birthday, obviously!”

“Jade, no,” John protests.

“Jade yes!” She declares with a soft laugh. “But seriously,” she adds a little more sternly, “I’m not letting you stew alone in your house for yet another birthday. Just… come over here and we can have some tea, just me and you, and just… talk. It’s been so long since anyone saw you properly John.”

She’s not wrong. Aside from Jade, John’s barely visited anyone in months. With Jade it’s easy, he can sit with her in complete silence and feel that she understands, but with the others they always want to talk. Rose is far too fond of trying to get him to talk about his feelings, and he always feels like he’s getting in the way when he’s with Dave and Karkat. Everyone has their own lives without him, and he can’t help feeling like a constant burden. It's easier to stay away.

But he can’t help feeling a little guilty that he hasn’t even seen Jade in a while, and she’s always had a way of getting to him. He’d rather spend a day with her than sit alone all day watching sympathetic memories roll in from his friends. “Okay, give me a few hours and I’ll be over,” he tells her with a sigh.

“One hour. You can fly over here,” she says, “Now go get ready silly! See you soon! Love you!” She blows a kiss before she hangs up, and John’s left in the remaining silence with a tiny smile on his face. Without his stubborn ecto-sister, he’s not sure if he’d ever leave the house.

He drops his phone back down onto the pillows and then searches for his glasses on the bedside table, sliding them over his face and blinking groggily as the world comes into focus. Outside his window the salamer village neary is coming to life, villagers just barely visible rushing to and fro as they go about their days. He stops to watch time for a moment, taking just a second to remind himself of the good in the world as he watches two young salamanders tripping and stumbling over their feet as they chase after their mother. Then he gets up out of bed and stumbles his way down the hall to the bathroom.

Under the half-broken LED lights of the bathroom, buzzing and flickering over his head, he realises just how long since he left the house, or even out of bed. His hair’s worse of a mess than usual, curls turned to matted tangles, and there are dark circles under his eyes and the dark shadow of patchy stumble across his chin. He could just not bother, it’s only Jade after all and she’s seen him in worse states, but he knows if he does then he’ll be accepting that this is the part of life he’s reached, and he doesn’t think he quite wants to see the look in Jade’s face if he turns up looking like that. So he gets to work practically tearing the tangles from his hair, eyes watering as each stroke of the hairbrush tugs at his scalp, but eventually his hair sits as neatly as it ever does, waves and curls falling down over his forehead. It takes him less time to shave and wash his face, and then he jumps in the shower for the quickest shower he’s ever taken.

Half an hour later John is sitting at his kitchen table, spooning mouthfuls of cereal into his mouth with one hand and attempting to do up the buttons of his shirt with the other. It goes about as well as anyone would expect it to, and eventually he drops the spoon down to focus entirely on the shirt, milk splashing faintly onto the table as the spoon lands in the bowl. He wipes it up quickly and then he’s at the front door, shoving his feet into the nearest pair of shoes and heading outside.

Jade’s house isn’t far. It’s a while on foot but with his godtier powers to his advantage it’s a short flight. He allows himself to slow the journey just a little though, appreciating the feeling of wind against his face and ruffling through his hair, and by the time Jade’s house becomes visible to him there’s a proper smile on his face for the first time in a while. 

He lands halfway up the long gravel drive that leads up to Jade’s house and strolls up towards the front door, hands in his pockets. He knows she’s probably in her garden, her usual large floppy sunhat pulled down over her dog ears and dressed in a pair of her favourite dungarees as she digs new plants into the earth, like she always is when he comes over. Usually he sits on the grass with a glass of juice she’s given to him or one of her handmade fruit popsicles, watching as she plants and works away on her garden, a peaceful silence between the both of them, broken by Jade’s occasional quips and stories about her life. But today he’s not sure if she’ll perhaps be inside instead. It’s still pretty early in the morning, after all. So he knocks on the front door and waits for a moment. 

Sure enough, Jade opens the door from inside, and he;s instantly greeted by her wide excited grin as she bounces up and down on her toes for a second and then throws herself forwards to hug him.

“John!” She squeals excitedly, “Happy birthday!”

“Thanks, Jade,” he murmurs happily as his face gets buried in her mass of black curly hair.

She pulls back from the hug and twirls slightly to turn into the house, beckoning for him to follow after her. There’s a slight spring in her step, and he realises she’s wearing a new dress he’s never seen before, black and patterned with stars and constellations. She looks almost too dressed up, and for a second he wonders if she’s got something planned. He really hopes she hasn’t.

Her house is weirdly dark as they walk in, the curtains shut in several places when usually there as wide open as possible to allow maximum light in for the multitudes of houseplants crammed into every room. John looks around curiously as she leads him to her living room.

“What’s going on in here, Jade?” He asks.

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” she says hastily, brushing her hands on the front of her dress,“I’ve just been busy this morning, I haven't had time to sort the house out.”

He nods, and when she stops in the living room doorway he lets her gesture him through into the room before her. Behind him he hears Jade flip a lightswitch on, and then suddenly he’s facing a room full of people.

“Happy birthday!” A chorus of voices rings out, and John stops and stares with wide eyes for a second, heart sinking in his chest.

He doesn’t quite know where he’s going, he just knows that he doesn’t want to deal with a whole room of his friends right now. So he hurries away from the room, and finds himself sitting out on the deck of Jade’s back garden. As he sits there he realises he’s crying, hot angry tears trailing slowly down his face. He can’t help feeling a little betrayed by Jade. She knows he didn’t want anything big for his birthday, knows he still struggles spending time among a lot of the others, and yet still she’s gathered everyone here today. He balls his hands into fists and uses them to wipe the tears away from his eyes.

Behind him he hears the sound of the glass patio doors sliding open, followed by footsteps and then a, “Yo.” He’s almost expecting it to be Dave, despite the voice not being quite right, but then someone sits down heavily next to him and he glances over to see not Dave but Dirk.

“Hi,” John says, before clearing his throat awkwardly and rubbing at his face again with a long sleeve of his shirt. “Look I’ll come back inside in a bit, I just wanna -”

“Nah, man, don’t care about that,” Dirk says with a shrug, “I told Jade this was a bad fucking idea. I just came out to check on you, seeing as no one else was going to. Your friends are fucking cowards by the way.”

“They’re not cowards,” John says, voice still muffled as he continues to rub at his face and hide it in his sleeves, “They fought for us all in space and that’s my fault and I -”

“Shut up,” Dirk says, and John feels a hand land gently on his shoulder, “None of that is your fucking fault. Got it? This world is fucked up. If it wasn’t you that started all this then someone else would’ve, and I don’t think there’s anyone else that was better suited for it than you. You led us to victory, John.”

“I didn’t,” John protests, “I put them in danger. You don’t get it.”

Dirk chuckles darkly. “Don’t give me that bullshit,” he says, “I fucking do get it, alright? I get more than any of them. I failed my team too, I let my emotions and problems get in our way, and I did fucking unspeakable things to try and save us all. So yeah, I do fucking get it.”

“I just don’t get how you can go up there every day and face them all without feeling guilty,” John sighs.

“Because I have to. The game’s over,” Dirk says, “Not letting it fuck me up anymore. Or at least I’m trying not to. And you know you ain’t the only one. Dave’s seen hundreds of timelines, hundreds of our deaths that we’re blessed enough not to remember. Rose has seen fucking everything. Kanaya has a literal hole through her stomach. We’re all struggling. But we gotta do it together, man.”

“Youknow, I think this is the most I’ve ever heard you speak,” John says with a small forced laugh, “You sure you didn’t come out here with some ulterior motive?”

“Just don’t wanna see you struggling man. Like I said, we’ve been through so much stuff together, and we can’t let that get between us now. We’ve got to stick together man, it’s the only way we work together,” dirk says, “Now I’m not about to tell you to get your ass back inside and have the best birthday of your life. But I am gonna tell you that there are presents for you and we got you pizza ‘cos everyone knows how much you hate cake.”

John looks up at Dirk with a small timid smile. He’s never really talked to Dirk before, after all he’s always found him a little strange and he’s never really heard him speak, but now he’s regretting not getting to know him sooner. They’ve been on this planet for years. Why has he never tried to befriend Dirk, or Dirk’s friends for that matter?

“Thanks Dirk,” he says softly, “You’re right. I guess I’ve been so focused on myself that I’ve forgotten about everything else.”

Dirks shoots a small wonky grin in his direction, the most emotion John thinks he’s ever seen him show, and then slaps his hands onto his knees gently and then gets up to his feet. “I guess maybe I’ll see you inside if you make your decision,” he says, before he turns and heads back towards the house.

John stares after him for a second thoughtfully, and then stumbles up to his feet. “Wait!” He calls, I’m coming inside.”

Dirk stops, and turns his head. For a second John can see through the space between his face and shades, and catches a glimpse of Dirk’s bright orange eyes before the other man turns further towards him and smiles faintly. “Come on then,” Dirk says, nodding towards the house, “Back to your party, birthday boy.”

John laughs faintly, shoving a hand playfully against Dirk’s shoulder so they both stumble together through the doorway and into the house.

There’s scattered chatter from within the house, the sound of his friends chatting amongst themselves, but when John reaches the living room a silence falls across everything. Everyone slowly turns to look at him, and under their expectant gazes John instantly wants to run straight back outside. But when he glances up he sees Dirk nod very faintly at him before he heads back to sit down with Dave and Karkat, and remembers he needs to do this for his friends and for himself.

“John, I’m so sorry,” is the first thing Jade says, looking up with wide, sad eyes from where she’s sat on the rug on the floor. Her ears are drooping faintly, and for once her tail isn’t sweeping across the rug behind her in excitement. He hates seeing her like this.

“Don’t be,” he says, trying to keep his voice as light as possible, “You’re right. I’ve been inside alone too long and… I love you guys. Of course I want you here on my birthday.”

Jade scrambles up from the floor and dives at him in yet another hug, sending John stumbling backwards with a soft laugh. “Oh I’m so, so happy!” Jade gushes, “This is going to be a good birthday I promise you!”

“Bro, what did you say to him?” John hears Dave say faintly to Dirk from somewhere behind him, and he laughs faintly as Jade spins him around, her tail thrashing from side to side eagerly.

“I hate to break up this beautiful moment, but can we give Johnny boy his presents now?” A familiar voice calls, and John pulls away from Jade to look over at Roxy, who’s curled up on one sofa with Jane, Calliope and Jake, and she’s grinning at him. He hasn’t seen her in far too long.

“Yeah, let’s do that!” Jade grins happily, and before he knows it John’s having presents passed to him from all angles.

From Jade he gets a ‘grow your own herbs’ kit (because you always like planting thing with me” according to Jade), from Roxy and Callie there’s a new shirt and a book, and from Jane there’s a family cooking book (“there’s no cakes in it I promise”). Jake presents him with a bunch of his favourite action movies, Dave gives him a cd of new music he’s been working on for him, and from Karkat there’s also a new movie.

“This isn’t a romcom,” John says in surprise.

“It’s an Alternian action movie, because they’re far superior to your human ones,” karkat says gruffly, and then softens faintly and adds, “I thought you could come over for a movie night sometime.”

It’s the first time in a long time that Karkat’s suggested they hang out without it being in some part due to Dave, and John grins happily. “Thanks Karkat,” he smiles. For once the thought of leaving the house for that doesn’t sound quite too bad.

“Here, John, from me and Kanaya” Rose says then, and passes over her own present, wrapped neatly in purple paper with his name printed in perfect handwriting on top.

He rips into it carefully, taking out the box and opening it up gently. Inside there’s a soft yellow plush, and when he takes it out he sees it’s a plush salamander.

“It’s beautiful,” he breathes softly.

“Well our experiences with handmade bunnies have been… mixed,” Rose says carefully, “So Kanaya and I made something we thought you’d like a little more.”

“Thank you,” John smiles, clutching it gently to his chest and pressing his fingers into the soft material. Not for the first time that day he feels himself tear up slightly.

Then a box of chalk hits him in the side of the head, distracting him entirely. He looks up and sees Terezi cackling at him. 

“I took out all the red ones for myself,” she says, “You like blue better anyway.”

John looks curiously up at Dave, who mouths ‘just take it’ and he laughs faintly.

“Thanks, Terezi,” he says, “I… hope you enjoy the red ones?”

“Oh I did!” She grins, mouth open wide to show of every single one of her sharp teeth. John looks away after a second.

“We should make food before this gets weirder,” Dave says, getting up to his feet with a small laugh. Jane and Jade follow him to the kitchen, the bounce back in Jade’s step, and the rest of the group dissolve back into their own side conversations. John finds himself pulled into a debate about movies between Karkat and Jake, while behind them Dave and Dirk break out in the worst rap he’s ever heard, and for the first time in a while he thinks he feels truly happy.

******

The day doesn’t go as painfully as John had expected it to. Between catching with his friends and everything they’ve been up to, watching a few movies in the background, and taking part in an impromptu karaoke concert lead by Roxy, he doesn’t have a lot of time to focus on the problems that have been plaguing him for so many months. He’d thought dealing with it alone would have been better than having to talk through it all with his friends, but so far none of them have even brought it up. He;s thankful for that.

The party keeps going right until nightfall, time passing faster for John than it has done in so long. It’s clear that nobody’s going anywhere, and Jade brings down a copious amount of blankets from somewhere upstairs and drags them all into the living room so they can all crash there for the night. Roxy produces alcohol from somewhere and it gets passed around, turned down only by Rose, who’s instead sipping at a mug of tea. Roxy herself only drinks one half glass of wine for herself and then ducks out. Sitting there on the soft rug of Jade’s living room floor, a half-empty can of beer in his hand and a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest, John’s pretty sure he made the right decision in coming back in here.

By the time midnight rolls around, people are starting to get tired. Jane, Roxy and Calliope fall asleep together on one sofa, Roxy and Jane leaning against each other, with Callie draped over their laps, and Jade, Rose and Kanaya are half asleep on the other, while everyone else is piled up on the floor together. John sits against one wall watching them, feeling again a little uncomfortable, though not as anxious as he’d expected to be.

“Hey,” a voice calls quietly, and he looks over to see Dirk has moved to sit beside him, “Can I talk to you away from these idiots?”

John laughs softly, and then starts to get up to his feet. “Sure,” he says, and him and Dirk head out to the empty kitchen.

“What’s up?” He asks as he and Dirk sit down on the stools at Jade’s breakfast bar.

“Didn’t give you my present,” Dirk says, and nods towards a small orange-wrapped package on the kitchen counter.

“Oh, thanks,” John says, reaching for it and opening it up, keeping his eyes fixed on his own hands as he works so he doesn’t have to see how focused Dirk’s gaze is on him. Even so, he can almost feel Dirk’s eyes burning into his skin. Inside there’s a few dvd disks, with some Japanese names on the front. “Anime?” He asks jokingly, “Is this the Strider version of a proposal?”

Dirk slaps John’s shoulder instinctively, but then clears his throat. “Uh, no I just… Dave mentioned you like watching movies and this is sorta all I know about so I wonder if you wanted to sorta… watch some anime with me sometime?”

“Really?” John asks quietly. He knows enough about Dirk to know how much this means to him. “Thanks Dirk I’d… yeah I’d like that.”

“Look, John, I just wanna say… I know you’re struggling, we all do but… I said earlier that I get it, and I want you to know that. I want you to know that like, I’m there for you if you want me,” Dirk says softly, “I know it’s weird but… fuck man, I’m not good at this shit but… I get where you’re coming from. I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life man and I… I just wanna be there a bit. Sorry, this is weird.” He trails off quietly towards the end, looking a little uncomfortable.

“It’s fine,” John says softly, “Thank you, Dirk. I didn’t think people would understand, but I guess you do.”

“Yeah it’s, uh, no problem man,” Dirk says. He reaches out a hand awkwardly across the table to rest it on top of John’s, and John looks up in surprise. He’s never seen this softer side to Dirk before, and he can’t say he dislikes it. So when Dirk squeezes his hand very gently he smiles softly at him.

“So… anime, huh?” John asks after a moment to breal the silence.

Dirk lets out a huff of laughter and raises his hand to shove John’s shoulder again. “It’s good,” he says.

“Mmh, we’ll see,” John hums. There’s a small sound from the living room then, and he turns his head i that direction. “We should go back,” he sighs, “Someone’s bound to come see what we’re up to otherwise.”

“Actually man, I was gonna head off,” Dirk sighs, “I don’t… I don’t like sleeping around a lot of people. Doesn’t feel safe.”

“Oh, alright,” John says with a shrug, hopping off of his stool at the same time Dirk gets up, “But I’ll uh see you soon, yeah?”

Dirk flashes a crooked grin at him. “Sounds good,” he says, and when John steps forwards he doesn’t stop hom from hugging him briefly. “Happy brithday Egbert,” he mumbles into the other boy’s chest before stepping back and turning to leave the room. 

John follows him out to the front door and watches as he walks a few steps down the frontpath and then takes off into the air. There’s a smile on his face, and a feeling settling in his chest that he hasn’t felt in a long time.He’s not sure what it is, and whatever it is he’s pretty sure that it can wait until later to be sorted out. They’re immortal now, after all. He’s got forever to sort everything.

When he turns back around, jade’s watching him from the living room doorway. “Thought you’d go with him,” she says as John approaches her.

“Nah, wouldn’t just ditch you without saying goodbye,” he says, and then pulls her into an impromptu hug, “Thanks Jade, for all of this. I didn’t realise how much I needed it.”

She grins at him when he pulls away, and then drags him back into the living room and into a pile of blankets unoccupied on the floor.

“So,you and Dirk…” she says slowly.

“Shut up,” John says with a smile, “He’s just… nice. And he understands.”

“Yeah, I know,” she says, “It’s good. I like seeing you happy.”

John smiles again faintly and lays down slowly against a pile of pillows. “Thanks Jade,” he murmurs after a while, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably rot alone in your house,” she says lightly, then rolls over to face him, “Seriously though, I’m glad you stayed.”

John thinks back on the day, screaming along to old pop songs with Roxy, listening to Dave and Karkat bicker like an old married couple over Dave’s raps, seeing his friends all so happy and here to see him, and, of course finding some sort of companionship in Dirk.

“Yeah,” he says softly, “I’m happy I stayed too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 4/13! I hope ya'll are having a good day. I've had possibly the most chaotic day ever because for some reason I decided to do three different homestuck cosplays in one day. Either way, i had to write something for today, and even if it's not my best writing, I just wanted to put something up because I really do love this fandom and I wanted to celebrate today.


End file.
